I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
