all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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