You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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