im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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