my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
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