Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
