im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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