Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I'm jealous of your bromance
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
