I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
