And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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