Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
We talked him into tasing himself.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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