sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
and she was petting her beer can
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
