So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
