Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
