I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
