I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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