you have to choose: penises or morals?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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