i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
