After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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