used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize