im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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