the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
