so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
