"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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