Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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