Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Randomize
