Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
