I puked a lego.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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