I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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