don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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