The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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