Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
