Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
