What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I have already put on my inside pants.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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