i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize