I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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