i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Its about making memories worth repressing
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
