My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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