this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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