Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
