Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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