I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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