i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
