dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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