I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
