I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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