Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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