maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
