When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
We are two peas in an std pod
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
you made out with another girl for some wings
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
