tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
