I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
