dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
