I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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