so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Randomize
