You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
