Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
