You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
