Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Randomize
