Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
