woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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