forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
