I skipped work to stalk him.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
