She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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