My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
