yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize