She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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