Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
