I can't breathe out the right side of my face
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
