It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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