He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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