Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
