By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
